I don’t usually make a big deal out of New Years Eve. I get why they call it “amateur night.” If I were to go out drinking and partying it up, I would be on the side of some wall, or hanging over a bush puking my guts out from the booze. I don’t drink well. Most people in the country ARE amateurs. They drink booze to get drunk and then forget in the morning what they did. What the hell kind of life is that? Continue reading
The new year is upon us. Jesus! Did I just use that ridiculously pat phrase? Yepper. I did.
It has been a very difficult year as years go, but as it comes to a close, I have so much to appreciate in my life, most of all that things feel really good in this moment. If how I feel right now is indicative of how the next year is going to play out, it looks like it is going to be a far better one than last year.
On the way into 2011, I had a twelve year old- but he swiftly became a thirteen year old before my eyes. Looking me in the eye without strain to his neck, and we seem to be seeing each other better than we were half a year ago. He raked me over some seriously hot coals, flipping me on all sides to be sure the embers made contact with every surface. I lived my own pain as a tween, my now pain as a mom of a tween, and I lived his pain. It was brutal. Somehow… By the grace of what magic we seem to invite, we have come out the other side of a long hot tempered summer. We are growing and moving toward a whole new chapter of coming adulthood. Of course I have to look at it that way. If I dive into the truth of what is to come in the teenage years… If I don’t convince myself that everything in the mind of my child will one day (SOON) make sense, I am going to put a backpack on, grab my honey and run to south east Asia never to be seen again. Continue reading
When I arrived in Varanasi, I had no clue where I was going. I had very little to go on. I was very uneducated about the country of India, so- no surprise that I was clueless about the beauty and awe I was about to experience. As we came across the very long bridge that crosses the river Ganga (Ganges) I caught a glimpse of the old city. You could see ancient stupas tipping into the river, and set after set after set of one or two city block wide steps leading into the river. Continue reading
Because hate is legislated… written into the
primer and testament
shot into our blood and brain like vaccine or vitamins
I just read the words of a friend, “The world is crumbling and we are just hanging on…”
It does sometimes feel like hanging off the side of a cliff, doesn’t it?
I wonder when that last pebble is going to give way to an avalanche of tears and stifled emotion. This planet is so so sad these days.
How to stay bright, shiny and happy in the midst of the sadness?
Not sure, but I am open for suggestions.
When my son was three years old, we had a big thanksgiving dinner. House full of chosen family, friends came from out of town… I made a feast. Roast chickens, stuffing, Yams, greens, Pumpkin pie with whipped cream…. People brought more pie. People brought more food. It was pretty plentiful.
I was excited because my three year old was excited too. “He loves the big family vibe,” I kept saying.
It brought me back to my own thanksgiving at three, there was a table full of chosen family, the food was delicious. The mashed potatoes were so perfect that I can remember the peaks; a sort of surreal white bowl of bliss, the kind that I viscerally remember even more than the back of my hair going up in flames as I reached for them. I fell asleep, in the bathroom sitting on the toilet, sometime after dessert. A long day I suppose. I remember my mom coming in and walking me to my bed, tucking me in and giving me a kiss on the forehead. She used to sing, “You are my sunshine…” when tucking me in.
Anyway, back to me, the mom… we were having this beautiful thanksgiving feast, and Chogyi was the first on line when the food was ready.
He stood there scanning the goods, his wide eyes just barely clearing the table top. After about thirty seconds, his excited expression turned to that of utter dismay and he burst into tears which, when they dropped off his cheeks, could have filled a shot glass pretty fast.
And then he cried out in utter exasperated disappointment… Continue reading
No need to put any links here, everyone knows the story.
And I would like to point out that this Sandusky/Penn State horror is EXACTLY what I speak of when I say that Homophobia is at the root of everything that is wrong in our society.
It is at the root of EVERYTHING wrong within our global society and particularly in this one.
We raise our sons to fear tears, to fear eachother, to distrespect women. to go to War with eachother, their neighbors and the whole fucking planet. We do this by giving them role models like that asshole. Removing them from their hearts and telling them to punch a guy rather than love him.
The Jerry Sandusky’s of the world have made my job as a mother ten times harder. How am I supposed to raise my son to be a protector whan I have the entire planet against me.
How am I supposed to let my son play sports? How am I supposed to let my son go to church?
How the fuck am I supposed to raise an aware conscious loving man in this fucking society.
“WORK HARDER!!!”
“HIT THAT BALL!!!”
“RUN KID RUN… FASTER HARDER FASTER HARDER!!!”
“BE A MAN!!!!!!!!!!!!”
Oh, and since your parents trust me, and since your society tells you that I am the role model you should follow, I think I will fuck your little brother in the ass while I shower him down after a hard workout.
Good shit people.
Good shit.
Fuck you.
How about we teach or young boys to love? Not to shut their hearts down and then abuse eachother and everyone else around them.
I was going to write this morning, another exerpt from the “Welcome to the Jungle” series but that series is taking a hiatus. I am about to take the NaNoWriMo Challenge.
I have decided to write a 175 page novel in thirty days along with thousands of other people who are also taking the challenge. The prize? Having taken the challenge. If I actually accomplish it… YAY! If it is worth a read… YAY! If it is badass… YAYYYYYY!
If not. COol.
I will accept support and love while I am trudging away.
And today, since it starts at midnight… I am going to take ideas all day. I have no idea what I am going to write about. The only thing I do know is that I am going to write a young adult novel since that is about the number of pages of a completed young adult novel.
I invite you to comment here and give me ideas… What do you think I should write about?
I begin tonite at midnight and I go until three minutes to midnight on the 31st of November.
……..”Really?” Charlee couldn’t contain herself. She just couldn’t believe she was about to be forced to watch two spoiled rich idiots lip sync Welcome To The Jungle. And they were fucking serious!
Yep. Rebecca thought… THIS REALLY IS the pits.
Welcome to the Jungle? What the hell were they doing in this god awful situation, forced” to handle such sophomoric grapple for attention? Could they actually claim that they had been forced to do any of this? To get out of it meant simply quitting their $6 per hour jobs, buying $20 bus tickets to warm homes not three hours away. But nope. They were sitting on a fucking couch in the village, “Living the dream!!” And it sucked. Everyone in the room knew how much it sucked. Continue reading
…Tonite, as they sat preparing to be tortured by two complete idiots in costume, she wonderd if they had hit rock bottom this time.
Once the girls were seated there was a flurry of cassettes and the dimming of the one red light, Jason and Miles tripping over each other were ready to please. If that’s what you call it. There was a numbing malaise setting in on the girls, each with their own way of blocking out the awful reality before them.
It really was a nasty apartment. Charlee worked at convincing herself. The place stunk, and every time, with the bums in the hallways. The last time Koch cleared the park, seven turds were deposited one flight up on the landing.
