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……….So you never really got too much background on this cosmic clown of a mystical lover of mine, and for the rest of this tale to make any sense, I should do that.

It is difficult in words to describe Rusty. He is such a kinetic ball of constantly moving energy that it is difficult to understand him standing in his presence. When I came upon him, I was 19, and he was stepping into his saturn return. He had survived an accident years before, and had to relearn everything, from speaking to writing, and went from recovery to retreat and vedic studies of some sort or another. When i met him, he rarely spoke unless necessary, and felt his way through life.
He held a presence that as i said, was indescribable. Powerful, psychadelic, kinetic, and highly sexual. His eyes could pierce anyone he gazed, with or without their will. And his touch was overwhelming at times.

When i met him, it was valentines day, and my love was at my side, holding my hand.
Rusty stole my gaze from over 100 feet away, and when he reached us, I dropped the hand i was holding and my focus shifted completely in that moment. The night shifted, and that moment shifted my entire life axis forever.
He was mysterious and he would appear before me as if he had projected, not walked into my sphere.
The man I would come to know well taught me more with his mirror-like wisdom than anyone ever had.
I explored attachment and heart opening non-attachment and sexual opening with no reserve.
There was no reserve with him, be fucking real and wide open, because I was naked to the center to him anyway.

He called for me to let go of inhibitions and stuck places in the mind, and I answered. I expanded, and grew eons with him.

For 20 years….

It is his fault that I have such a hard time understanding traditional monogomy by the way.
Anyway…..
I came home for the summer and just never went back. The earthquake hit Santa Cruz, and many things shifted for many…

Even after I left him and my heart in Santa Cruz, he rode with me psychicly through every relationship I lived, he peeked over my shoulder laughing at my insecurities, my attachments. My stuck places were always jabbed, and awakenings were shared. I always knew it was him, peeking in, testing me.

Twice I magically drew him to me over those 20 years, and each time i was reminded just how strong the connection was. Nothing changed, but his ability to speak the words i always wished he would speak.

The last time i saw him, 6 years ago, he begged me to stay, and with heavy heart, I drove onto the 101 without looking back.
I didn’t need to, he rode with me in heart and mind.

When he called me out of the blue, and charachter, my entire being opened as it did that valentines day when he split me down the center, climbed in and took his place.
Few words were spoken, but that he was in a good place, he loved me, he was single again, and he wanted to see me… not sure if he could wait months. It was so out of charachter to call me, or anyone out of the blue, and to 411 me as well… And single again… Had he expanded to a heartspace that could fit me all the way in there without the need for a harem?
Well, he knows me well. No expectations, but a fun idea to spend more than 24 hours with him again for the first time in 20 years.

He sounded exquisite, and as I wrote the other day, the circumstances allowed me to head his way.

So…… I arrived in San Fran to be picked up by my dear friend Albion. We had an amazing day, connecting with old and new friends, taking in music and networking…. All was well.
As I walked through the crowds, and took in the flavors, billowing wafts of skunky goodness, patchouli, sandalwood, and west coast amber scented sweat, I wanted to feel him.
But I didn’t….
He hadn’t arrived.

I didn’t want to search for him, I knew he would just appear… It was really will power all day that kept me from actually seeking him out.

Finally, before leaving the festival for the night, I called a mutual friend Joe who he planned to be there with.
Joe gave me a number to reach him and told me that he’d see me tomorrow…

I called it.

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