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“Challenge, provoke, compost the self…” ~Tenzo Mountaine

I have spent my life poking around this psyche. Learning me and looking to glean some bit of understanding into who I am and what I am doing on this planet. Why I came and who I can help. If I should help, and why. And as a result, I have been turned inside out, studied, picked apart and tossed out. And i did it all myself.

My name is Rachel and I am a HUGE stumbling block for those on an ego trip down the dharma path…

I woke up this morning, and my beloved turned to me with the answer to a quandary we had been musing over early last evening. Clearly I had offended someone, I had missed it, and he had not. It is fascinating to both of us just how difficult it is for people to accept my truths. And I clearly need to be more conscious of when I am being too forward with them.

He hit the nail on the head. I am continually blown away by the observations he makes about people, and energy and what they are vibrating with. He is one of the most observant people I know and I appreciate him for it. He is helping me to identify and trust my intuition as it is coming. Simply by being who he is, he has shared with me a gift I was squandering. So much can be ascertained in the flurry of a stop and chat.

I am an intense and intimidating presence. Some people can handle me, and some cannot. I am learning to accept that and live with it, and yes. It is a challenge for people to stand up and accept their truth within the truth I offer from my vantage point, And for myself… A challenge as well. My mother taught me never to pale in comparison to someone who cannot shine beside my brightness. Took me a long time to get that lesson, I was busy being mad at people for not getting me.

As I “get” myself, I am learning to accept that there are just times when I should shut the fugg up, and times when people should just Buck the Fugg up! I am honing my skills at deciphering when which is appropriate. It has been a challenge, this impatience that I have with people who have not evolved to a level that can handle me.

A true Buddha can teach a baby in the same breath as an old sage, each able to comprehend to their level of understanding.

I, on the other hand, do not have such skill. My methods are crude.

And so I return to look at me and my own stuff, and decipher what my challenges are and play with them. And really, what else is there to do?

What else were we put on this planet to do? Pick other people apart? Some people seem to think so, but I find that gets really old, really fast. It is far more rewarding to pick apart the machine that you drive isn’t it? Even if you get stuck on the side of the road with some old shit you shouldn’t have taken on anyway?

Yep.

Totally.

“Challenge, provoke, compost the self…” ~Tenzo Mountaine

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